The Origin of Evil
by Shining Moonlight
Summary: It was the week after Easter break and Professor Vector asked Hermione to go get some parchment from the supply closet as they were running low. Who knew that she wouldn't come out for another two hours and that when she did she'd be changed forever- in
1. ~An Act of Pain~

A/N: Well, this is a story that I worked very hard on and take much pride in when I'm not hiding it from my parents' prying eyes (just kidding, just kidding). I do like it very much when I'm not thinking of what really happens in this story, which is very similar to some of my experiences (at least subconsciously). So, please read this with caution and read it for it's true meaning, not just because you're bored. I want the reader to take time to think the story over and realize the effects of this idea, (you had time to read it, take a few minutes to think about it). Thank you all for appreciating my sensitivity (I only allow flames that tell me what I've done wrong so that I may please you, don't just tell me it sucked).  
  
Disclaimer: JK is the exquisite creator of these fascinating characters who have left me mesmerized and also have assisted me with a lot. I own Adam, though if JK personally wants him, she may take him and I would be honored (but for right now he is for my use).  
  
Thanks: Lilia, my best friend who has helped me through the experiences I have had (and for letting me read this to you so many times). Cheryl, my best friend also for helping me understand the world a little bit better (and for letting me bore your ears with questions). I thank you both deeply and truthfully.  
  
  
The Origin of Evil  
  
By: Shining Moonlight  
  
It was my sixth year and the week after Easter break. I was in Arithmancy class when Professor Vector asked me if I would kindly get a roll of parchment from the supply closet on the second floor. I gladly said yes as the particular lesson was on Numerology charts of ancient Greece and we were reading from the textbook. I strolled down the staircases (making sure to jump the sinking stair) and easily found the closet. I noticed that the shelves were extremely dusty, but well stocked so I had trouble finding the parchment. I used a stool and was searching the top shelves when I heard the door click shut behind me and felt two ice-cold hands clamp about my waist and lift me down to the floor. I turned slowly around into the arms of Adam Twiddles, a boy I knew as an acquaintance. I asked him what he was doing and he said he had been going to his Transfiguration classroom when he had seen me and he said he could not resist my beauty and had decided to stop and say hello. I thought it was odd that he wouldn't mind being late to his class just to say hello to me, whom he sees every day, but I decided to laugh it off. He did not laugh with me, but stepped closer to me and tightened his embrace around me. I felt increasingly uncomfortable and asked him to step back a bit and to please remove his hands. He did neither and responded by cupping my face in his hands and forcing me to look him in the eye. And what eyes. They were gray, deep, and gave me the feeling of comfort. But now they were wide and excited and I tried to look away, but he would not let me. He was gentle, but demanding and I did not feel safe, but I couldn't deny how much I had suddenly been attracted to him. He slid his hands down my back and held me as though we were dancing. He forced me to lean close and I felt my head upon his sturdy chest. I looked up at him and his eyes were half closed. I felt awkward leaving my hands by my sides and I decided on to put them as far around his waist as they would go. His head rested upon mine and he started to stroke my hair softly, gently until I convinced myself that he was a wonderful man and my body finally stopped trembling with fear.  
  
"I thought you weren't ever going to stop shaking, gorgeous." I looked up at him when he called me gorgeous, for he seldom used such well-mannered terms of speech. I thought he must have been trying hard for me to accept him because he must have known I had just broken up with Ron and I had not looked at a boy without saying something rude in a week.   
  
"Why, thank you, I guess." I said not knowing how to respond. Then he stepped away and turned toward and locked the door.   
  
"Unealohamouras Quatamnie" he muttered and I recognized it as a spell to keep a door locked until only the caster's hand turned the knob.   
  
"Why'd you do that, Adam? I really should be getting to class, I've probably missed fifteen minutes already." I asked him.   
  
"Well, I thought we might want to be alone for awhile and I know for a fact you have a two hour break now." He smiled at himself and shuffled closer to me until he was by my side once more. He leaned over and gently kissed my head and slipped his arm around my waist and tugged at me until I was crushed against him. Then he sat down on the stone floor, dragging me with him so that I was leaning against him for support. He leaned back against the shelves so that I was lying on him, my head resting an inch away from his chest. He firmly pushed my head down onto him and rested his hands on my back. I tried to stop him and call out, but I found I couldn't speak. He must have put a silencing charm on me while I was hugging him and had my eyes closed. I rose and fell with every breath he took and soon I felt comfort in this rhythm like motion. I pressed myself harder against his front as my mind drifted to feelings of pleasure, but I could not push the thoughts of Ron and men from my mind.   
  
"Oh, gorgeous Hermione, tell me truthfully, what do you think of me?" Adam questioned surprising me.   
  
"I think you're a wonderful, attractive man who loves me." I replied, my eyes still closed.   
  
"Well, I think you're a beautiful, attractive woman who is in love with me." He nearly whispered into my hair.   
  
"Oh, that is so true." I mumbled into his front and I brought my hand under his shirt to caress his chest.  
  
"And I think you would love this even more," he said, while he lifted my head and brought his lips to mine. We kissed deeply for a moment and when his tongue flicked my lips, I parted my mouth to let it in. I suddenly jerked as though I'd been awoken from a deep sleep and realized what was happening. I pulled away from him and picked myself up off of the hard, now warm, ground. I looked down at my robes and realized that they had been pulled up past my stomach, and were wrinkled at my breast point. I quickly smoothed them down and saw Adam chuckling softly. He reached in his back pocket and took out a tape recorder.   
  
"January 5th, 2004." He stated into it and stopped it.   
  
"Well, Adam." I asked fury in my voice, causing it to shake.   
  
"Well…" he trailed off. "Before I do what I plan to do, I will play back the tape, sound fair?" He asked, daring me to respond. I just stood there, shaking with hatred. What I heard was this,  
  
"Well, I saw you, beautiful, and I just couldn't resist saying hello." Adam. Me laughing. Sighs of pleasure from both of us. "Well, gorgeous, I didn't think you were ever going to stop shaking." Adam. "Why thank you, I guess." Me. Groans of pleasure, and heavy breathing from us both. "Oh, gorgeous Hermione, tell me truthfully, what do you think of me?" Adam. "I think you're a wonderful, attractive man who loves me." Me. "Well, I think you're a beautiful, attractive women who is in love with me." Adam. "That is so true." Me. And I think you will love this even more." Adam. Us kissing. "January 5th, 2004"'  
  
I cursed myself and Adam just laughed triumphantly. I did not realize that he had taken his shirt off while we were kissing, but I noticed now for his jeans were also on the floor in a crumpled pile near his socks and under clothing. Then he strolled over to me and kissed me again, although this time I did not enjoy it. He forced my mouth open and his hot tongue caressed mine, demanding me to respond to it with moans that sounded of contentment, but were not. This time I felt my robes slinking up, but could do nothing about it. As they came up over my head Adam broke apart from me and said,  
  
"You shall be a great morsel for times to come." And then he was on me. He fiercely clawed my under garments off and began to rape me. I screamed, but it sounded pleased. Adam laughed and then went for my neck. I felt my heart throbbing and then the tears came. I twisted in and out of his grip until suddenly I thought it was over, but I could see him on me and I comprehended that I had gone numb. It seemed hopeless and after what seemed like eternity, I gave up and let him do his worst. He finally got up, and looked at me lying on the floor. He spat on me and I had no strength, but to defiantly stare at him. This only seemed to enliven him more and he was, without delay, on top of me once more. I felt everything yet again and had no hopes that he would ever stop, when suddenly he got up and took me with him. I had no strength and I bowed against him, which was the least thing I wanted to do at that moment. Adam caressed me, kissed me, and stroked me while I was standing.  
  
Then he simply stated, "I loved it, you are in love with me, and I can do it again because I know when your breaks are. You are my property now." I stared at him in utter hatred and fainted in his arms.  
****  
I awoke alone, and trembling with cold. I realized that I was in Adam's lap and that he was dressed in his pants and I was covered in his sweatshirt.   
  
"Hello, love." He voiced, breaking the silence. I shivered, though this time it was not from the cold. I was sore, scratched, and bruised, although it was obvious that Adam had tried to dress my cuts the best he could with first aid supplies he had found on the shelf.   
  
Icily I replied, "Why are you still here? And what do you want? Why don't you just go, just leave me here. It wouldn't make a difference, or did you think I would suddenly forgive you for ruining my life if you hung around to clean me up. Well I can do my own cleaning, get out of here."   
  
"Well then, if that's what you really want, darling, then I'll be off. But you don't even think about telling anyone about this because I can do things that feel nice and things that hurt, it all depends on your attitude, but I will be seeing you alone more often, babe." Adam said, staring me in the eye. I stared back at him as long as I could, but soon I was looking at the ground.   
  
"You are truly a beautiful thing, Hermione. Your beautiful slightly copper skin, your cinnamon brown eyes, your chestnut hair, your arms, your legs, I love it all. Every inch of you, every crevice and curve, I want. But I shall earn it. Oh, yes I could take it, and I might, but I will in the end, I shall earn you for myself." He said, looking sincere for a time.   
  
"Oh, and one more thing," he said as an afterthought, changing immediately back to his mocking self. "I want to make it clear that you are going with me now." He waited for my response, his eyes lingering to where they shouldn't have. I was outraged at this sudden decision and I was determined to disagree but every time I tried to speak the words were lost in my throat and I remained silent. He snickered in triumph as he looked at me and squeezed me to him as if to show me that it was final, that I was his.   
  
"Okay, your break should be over now, we can go to dinner, but remember, tell a soul and it will be much worse next time we meet. I quickly got up, threw his sweatshirt in his face and got dressed in my now torn robes while ignoring Adam's laughter and encouraging whistling. I strode to the door and turned the knob but it was stuck.   
  
"Oh yes, I did cast that fortunate little spell to keep you in here as long as I don't open the door." Adam said lightly. I quivered with anger and said,   
  
"Open the door, Adam, please leave me alone, don't hurt me anymore, open the door." I was ashamed of having to beg, but I had no other option, other than staying with Adam not knowing what he planned to do. He looked at me with pity in his eyes, but ignored my words and gestured to me to move closer. I refused and sat in my exposing robes at the other side of the closet. Adam laughed and grabbed my wrist, tugging me close. I struggled, but was so weak that I could do nothing. He sat me next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder. I was shaking and I knew it, but I kept my mind on not touching him and didn't worry about anything else. Adam must have sensed what I was doing and he pulled me to a standing position beside him and took my hand.   
  
Then he said, "We're going to dinner and we're going to stay together." I nodded miserably and walked out the door behind him. Together we walked down three sets of stairs and just when I began to hear the rumble from the Great Hall, I knew I could not go in.   
  
"Uh, Adam I think I need to get changed into a spare set of robes before we eat." I said, shaking with fear as I looked on at him, waiting for his reply. He looked me up and down, as a parent might if they were looking for something you took. His eyes showed that he found no reason why I shouldn't dress that way for him all the time, but he told me I could go and he would wait for me outside the door. I turned around and got to the Gryffindor tower without Adam grabbing my hand, and I mumbled the password   
  
"Umbrella lips" so that he could not hear it. As soon as I got into the dormitory I began to cry, lacking sound. I sat on my bed and looked around at the surrounding four posters. Parvati's and, Lavender's, neither of whom I could tell this to. As I changed I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that my chest, thighs, and lower areas were marked with cuts and bruises could be found all over my arms. I had a large scrape near my collarbone, which was not covered by the material. I was frightened of what Adam had said and what he planned to do. I was certain I could not go back out there, to him. I spotted the trapdoor leading to the basement with excitement and hustled to it, bringing the door up, and sliding through. I heard movement outside the door and a low voice muttered  
  
"Umbrella lips" and opened the door. Adam, tall and merciless, was standing in the dormitory. I quickly shut the trapdoor over my head and scrambled down the stairs to a dark, musty basement. I knew it well and I hurried to the exit, which would lead right outside the Great Hall. I burst out and locked the door under my feet. The din from the Great Hall was deafening and I still felt I could not go in without crying. I attempted to go sit down with Parvati, so that Adam could not find me when he got up, but I got as far as the Slytherin table where Malfoy told me I looked like a just hatched Norwegian Ridgeback when I felt the tears coming and ran, sobbing out of the room. I sat in a chair at the other end of the hall, bawling and thinking to myself that it was over. I could never be normal around anyone again, and I might as well give myself to Adam so at least he could have pleasure, because I was certain I'd never feel pleasure again. I let the tears run without caring to wipe them away, when I looked up and saw Ron coming down the hall, looking concerned. I tried to hide my face and wipe the evidence of tears away before he reached me, but in no time he was kneeling in front of me.   
  
"Hermione! What's wrong?"   
  
"What's wrong?" Ron asked again, brushing my hair out of my eyes. I jerked away when he touched me, still extremely over sensitive to anyone's touch. I did not answer because I thought if I tried to talk I'd break down and I did not want Ron to see me like that. He stayed by my side, just looking at me with a mixture of pity and confusion in his face. I was grateful that he didn't ask or touch me again. Finally, I took a deep breath and felt the courage building up inside of me to at least tell Ron that Adam had been hitting on me, though, I thought to myself, he had gone way beyond that point. I wanted to tell Ron that I didn't like it either. That was when I heard someone behind me, saw Ron's eyes travel up, and felt a sharp tap on my shoulder. I stood up and turned to face Adam. He gave me a look that caused fresh tears to well up in my eyes, but I blinked them back, willing myself not to let Adam see me that crying- I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of it. Adam then took my hand and pulled me around the corner of the hallway and into an all too familiar closet.   
  
"What were you doing with him?" Adam snarled fiercely, pinning me to the wall, his hands gripping my shoulders.  
  
"N-n-nothing," I whimpered, while hot tears that refused to stay in my eyes fell down my cheeks. He removed one hand and brushed them away. I felt a surge of revulsion squirming in my stomach like an eel when his hand touched my cheek. I smelled his scent that I had struggled to forget; I saw his face that I feared now and forever. I heard his laughter ringing in my ears that I had attempted to push out of my mind. And I knew I could never get away from it.  
****  
  
  
  
End of Part I  
  
  
I thought I'd add a bit of an ending. This story deals with serious topics, such as rape, depression, and suicide. If you are dealing with these feelings or things happening in your life DO NOT SUFFER QUIETLY! Tell someone you trust like a parent, counselor, friend, relative orcall a crisis line. The Hope Line (656-HOPE) has many caring people who can help you and is completely confidential. 


	2. ~A Hole in My Heart~

A/N:Well, this is a story that I worked very hard on and take much pride in when I'm not hiding it from my parents' prying eyes (just kidding, just kidding). I do like it very much when I'm not thinking of what really happens in this story, which is very similar to some of my experiences (at least subconsciously). So, please read this with caution and read it for it's true meaning, not just because you're bored. I want the reader to take time to think the story over and realize the effects of this idea, (you had time to read it, take a few minutes to think about it). Thank you all for appreciating my sensitivity (I only allow flames that tell me what I've done wrong so that I may please you, don't just tell me it sucked).   
  
Disclaimer: JK is the exquisite creator of these fascinating characters who have left me mesmerized and also have assisted me with a lot. I own Adam, though if JK personally wants him, she may take him and I would be honored (but for right now he is for my use).   
  
Thanks: Lilia, my best friend who has helped me through the experiences I have had (and for letting me read this to you so many times).   
  
Cheryl, my best friend for helping me understand the world a little bit better (and for letting me bore your ears with questions). I thank you both deeply and truthfully.   
  
The Origin of the Darkness   
By: Shining Moonlight Part II ~ A Hole in my Heart   
  
It's the end of the week and I pretty much have given up hope of ever having my normal life back. I cry myself to sleep every night and it always seems as though Adam is lurking in the shadows, waiting to catch me alone. I try to stay in a group, but it's very hard and since I care so much about getting to my classes, I frequently had to shoo my friends off to get there on time. If a boy were to put his arm around me, I'd be pungent with panic. I like it when the common room is empty, so I come down only when it is, frightened that someone will notice my behavior, I make myself go down once in a while to sit with Parvati, Ginny, or Harry. But it is just too hard. I need this to go away, it has to.   
  
****   
  
Saturday night I went down to the Gryffindor common room to see how everyone was doing and I planned to go back up in about a half an hour. I was sitting in an overstuffed armchair when the hair on the back of my neck bristled and I turned to see Adam walking in to the room. He was smiling that devilish grin and I dipped under the rim of the chair, but it wasn't fast enough to keep him from seeing me. His grin widened and he turned in my direction. His arms encircled my shoulders.   
  
"Hey, babe." He said into my cinnamon hair. I recoiled from his grip, but he kept an intense grasp on me.   
  
Ginny came over to us looking surprised, but smiled. "So, Hermione, you're with Adam, now? And you didn't tell me?" she teased.   
  
"Well, n-" I started but was cut off.   
  
"Yeah, we sure are, isn't that right, Hermi?" Adam said, now stroking my hair.   
"Well if that is the case I need some proof." Ginny went on, and I remembered how she had said this to me when Ron and I first became a couple. Then a feeling of dread swept over me when I remembered that she'd asked me and Ron to show some sort of affection, like kissing or hugging or, I gulped, making out. I anxiously waited for what Ginny would ask us to do for 'proof'.   
"What are you talking about, Ginny?" I asked quietly, nudging her foot to try and get her to reconsider what she had just asked.   
  
"Oh, that would be a good thing to do, wouldn't it? Why don't we tell everyone, Hermione? Good thinking, Ginny." Adam said, looking in high spirits. I tried to stay calm, but I feared that my feelings would show on my face. Ginny looked briefly at me, a flash of concern on her face. It was gone the next moment, though, and she urged us to show her. Adam swiftly lifted me out of the armchair and into his arms, my feet dangling pointlessly. I felt sick and the next thing I knew Adam was sitting in the armchair, me on his lap. I felt considerably apprehensive and I prayed that that was all he would do. But my wishes were in ineffective, and as he swept my face level to his, I knew what he planned. My stomach flipped as he brought my face closer to his, and soon it made contact. My lips against his cheek, his mouth by now on my neck, I was swept into a fresh wave of nausea when he did not let go. He muttered words into my ear I can bear not to repeat, but when he did I became more passionate towards him, at least it looked that way, but it was not of my will. This must have gone on for a brief time, merely five minutes though to me it seemed unending.   
  
******   
  
I awoke from a nightmare and realized that I was drenched in cold sweat. I tried to remember what the dream was about, but all I could remember was a piercing scream and a merciless laugh. The sounds would not come to an end, and soon I gave up trying to push them out of my mind and tried to get back to sleep as I knew it was the middle of the night. It was then that I heard mumbling, but I could not distinguish if it was real or my imagination. I listened hard and when I heard their words I shivered. Could be worse, better make certain it isn't. I recognized these words at once, for they were the ones Adam had whispered into my ear when I would not correspond to his affectionate gestures in the common room that evening. I also realized that the voices must be in my head, because it just made no sense for them to be real, let alone right outside my door. I lay back, relieved that there was no one outside the dormitory, though I was still rigorously stunned by the term coming back to me. I decided not to think about it, laid my head back down on my pillow, and eventually drifted into a half-sleep.   
  
******   
  
I was abruptly awoken by a voice at the foot of my bed. This time I was sure it had not been my imagination and I stayed still in my bed. I saw the shadow of someone who was clearly a male or an extremely tall female. I was frightened, but for the first time in almost two weeks I felt some confidence building up inside me. Then I heard the figure speak.   
  
"Beautiful, purely beautiful." My confidence slowly drained away and I'm sure that the color in my face did, too. Then I felt a hand on my leg near my ankle. I desperately tried to keep it from shaking and I hid my face under the comforter. As soon as I did this Adam's hand, which I unnaturally knew so well, pulled them back off of my face and well off of my arms and chest. I felt progressively more uncomfortable and so I sat up thinking that maybe he would lay off if I were awake. He turned towards me with a surprised look on his face, but with laughter in his eyes. I knew that I was scared and that I probably looked it, but I kept the negative out of my mind and held my breath, waiting for what he would say. When he did not address me in any form, I decided to question him first.   
  
"What are you doing here? How long have you been here? Are you crazy, Adam, this is a girl's dormitory and it's two-thirty in the morning!" I said this all very fast and very quiet. He put his hand to his chin and looked away in thought. He chose his words carefully, but I was dazed at what he declared bluntly.   
  
"I thought you knew." His voice had grown gruff with desire and I backed up against the headboard, not knowing what to do or what to expect. I saw his eyes travel from my legs to my face in one swift, solid motion. He missed not a thing, though in his eyes I found that he wanted to see more. I was uneasy and I briefly thought of screaming, yet then it would look like an affair of some sort and I would get in the dilemma, which I certainly did not want. I suddenly realized that Adam had been staring at me directly into my eyes for the last few moments. His gaze was bursting with desire and a craved look was appearing from within those pitiless eyes. It was a look that overcame me with a feeling so unexplainable. It was a bit like fright, but not entirely, yet it had a feeling of need. And it was then that I realized that Adam had caused a hole in my heart, my soul, and my very life. Now I understood. I had to fill in that hole, it was then that I felt complete confidence and I seized his hand firmly in mine and lifted it off of my right thigh, where it had came to rest. As I did this Adam let out a low growl of disagreement, yet I felt no apprehension. My strength grew and built up against my fear. Soon I felt it smothered completely and I was happy. I looked the scene over and laughed, for the first time in weeks, I laughed. Then I got up, walked out of the room and though I heard Adam coming after me, I didn't care.   
  
******   
  
I awoke and realized quite suddenly that I was in an armchair in the common room. I then also realized that it was probably quite early in the morning, maybe five, or so. I put pressure on the arm of the chair to get up and it was then that I comprehended exactly what must have happened. I remembered walking out of the dormitory and hearing Adam's pursuit, but nothing else. Just him coming after me. Ignoring these thoughts that screamed for me to think them over, I got up and a blanket trailed after me. I knew I had not brought a blanket with me and I subconsciously thought that Adam must have something to do with it. And all the while the thoughts of the night were shrieking at me to listen to what they had to say. An important piece of mind this was. The next thing I saw made me feel like shrieking for real. The blanket came to an end and with the hem came a leg. My head spun, my stomach was retched in and out of nausea, and the room blurred before my eyes and the only thing that stayed in focus was the slightly tan, hair-covered leg. Finally the nausea got the better of me and I ran to the bathroom, in vain. I heard footsteps, and Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, her hair frizzled and wearing a nightgown.   
  
"Ms. Granger, what is going on?" then she saw the mess, "Oh dear, well honey, get to the toilet now before you do it again." Then she waved her wand and magically cleaned it up.   
  
When I came back out about twenty minutes later after desperate tries not to vomit, I found Professor McGonagall holding Adam by the ear. I gasped and turned my back to them to keep down their sight of my tears.   
  
"What happened, in your opinion, Ms. Granger?" she said in a quiet 'no nonsense' voice. I thought fast of a cover up for what I was sure had happened.   
  
"Well, I awoke and felt sick, so I ran down here, not realizing that my blanket had trailed with me in an attempt to reach the toilet and, well I didn't manage to get there. I was not aware of him sleeping down here," I gestured to Adam, ignoring his piercing stares.   
  
"And that's what happened, Professor, I am sorry for the inconvenience." I finished up. She looked rather pleased with my response and shooed me up to my dorm. As I rushed past her she whispered, "Get some sleep, hon. I'll explain your absences.   
  
" I silently thanked her and hurried back to the dormitory. As I reached the room I knew the last thing I would do was sleep. I was going to think about what happened earlier, how to fill this hole Adam had created, and, I shivered as I thought of what I must do, how to stand up to Adam. It took nearly four hours to get everything sorted out and as I went over my plan of action I felt relieved, scared, and in a sense- happy. I knew that Adam had most likely waited until I had fallen asleep on another chair, or maybe he had magicked me asleep, and then had moved me to his and done who knows what. I also knew that I would have to confront Adam about the incident and find out exactly what did happen at any costs. For the most part I thought that I would have to live my life without fear at what was and probably would keep on happening to fill the hole. And to stand up to Adam I would have to take drastic measures and I knew my plan was not perfect, but I thought that if I was going to do this right it had to happen. I would have to wait until Adam tried to rape me again -I was positive he would- and go along with being scared and letting him do what he pleased until the end. Then I would state that he didn't scare me and I would win, and hopefully he would respond and it would go from there. Finally I was pleased with myself and I laid my head down, and slept.   
  
******   
  
Over the next few days I got no great opportunity to talk to Adam privately and I wanted to make sure that we weren't overheard. Plus, I wasn't in classes for a week because I was really sick the first few days, but then I enjoyed not interacting with everyone so much that I forced myself to vomit whenever it was necessary. The fifth day of my 'illness' I got a visitor that was unexpected. Ginny came every day with get well cards from Harry, Ron, and herself. She also told me what was going on and brought my homework when I insisted.   
  
"Hermione, you really should get some rest, you know. You mustn't over work yourself or else you'll never get better."   
  
"Oh, I will, Ginny. You go on to class now, okay?" She left with a nod and I hid my head deep in the goose-feathered pillows that were now warmed from my body. I thought about my life and how I would live it without fear. I decided that I should go to my classes starting tomorrow and begin my ascent to top student again. I was still daydreaming about this when I heard the doorknob turn and the door hinges creak to welcome the visitor to their lair. I got chills, but refused to hide under the covers yet again. I saw a vaguely familiar hand and though I felt a fresh wave of nausea build up in the pit of my gut, I did not flinch the slightest bit.   
  
"Hey, babe, how's it going? You still out of it or are you awake enough to give me some fun?" Adam said while locking the door securely and all the while inching closer to where I laid.   
  
"Well? Are you going to just sit there and tempt me or what?" he asked of me when I didn't reply. I sat up a bit and Adam reached his destination of my four-poster and sat gently down taking my hand in his. He used an oddly tender fashion and I knew at once that he was trying to fool me into loving him and I subconsciously made myself immune to his care.   
  
"I swear Adam, come any closer and I will scream." I said, I was not thinking just saying and I didn't know what would happen next, nor did I want to. There was some effect to my words. Adam sniggered softly, though he did let go of my hand.   
  
"You will, will you? You'd scream, Hermione?" he stated flatly, though the words cut through me and I was panicked once more.   
  
"I don't think you'll be doing anything of that sort. Imperio." As he said this, my eyes were locked in his gaze and a strange feeling came upon me. I heard a soft, strict voice telling me to keep quiet. And I didn't just hear it; I saw it, felt it, smelled it, and tasted it. It was an amazing feeling. I was entirely ecstatic and I stood up and looked at the ceiling. As I did, I saw it in 1,000 dimensions, colors, and textures. Each new sight my eyes took on was better than the last and soon I could take the awe no longer and I shut my eyes. I felt a hand around my shoulders, steadying me and pulling me down to earth, as I had been flying across the moon on a comet. I opened my eyes and saw Adam, and he too appeared more fantastic than I'd ever seen him, swirling colors surrounded him and flew through him. Then I was pulled out of the bliss and into reality, yet I still heard the small voice keeping me silent. When I returned back down on the bed far away from where Adam was spread out, his arm shot out and lashed around my waist. I instinctively opened my mouth and was about to cry out when I stopped and thought to myself, what would it do if I yelled? What difference would it make, he's still here, and if I want my 'plan' to work I better keep quiet.   
  
******   
  
The next morning I awoke with a start. I turned over onto my side and saw that my blankets were on the floor in a pile, hopelessly tangled up. I then also realized that I was completely naked. I groped for my clothes and found them on the floor near a chair, along with some old jeans and a T-shirt. I was surprised at this, because the chairs in our dormitory were at the other side of the room. I looked again at the room and felt overcome with fear. I realized that this wasn't my dorm room at all. It was a boy's dorm room with Gryffindor lion embroidery on the wall. I saw the names above the beds and I was shocked into tears. One said 'Harry' in large, silver calligraphy. The next said 'Ron' in beautiful, gold coloring. And I dreaded where my head turned when I saw that 'Adam' marked in swooped, black marble hung above the bed in which I lay. I screamed and though it began high and piercing it ended a moan as vomit crept up my throat.   
  
******   
  
End Of Part II I thought I'd add a bit of an ending. This story deals with serious topics, such as rape, depression, and suicide. If you are dealing with these feelings or things happening in your life DO NOT SUFFER QUIETLY! Tell someone you trust like a parent, counselor, friend, relative orcall a crisis line. The Hope Line (656-HOPE) has many caring people who can help you and is completely confidential. 


	3. ~Sick Pleasure~

A/N;Well, this is a story that I worked very hard on and take much pride in when I'm not hiding it from my parents' prying eyes (just kidding, just kidding). I do like it very much when I'm not thinking of what really happens in this story, which is very similar to some of my experiences (at least subconsciously). So, please read this with caution and read it for it's true meaning, not just because you're bored. I want the reader to take time to think the story over and realize the effects of this idea, (you had time to read it, take a few minutes to think about it). Thank you all for appreciating my sensitivity (I only allow flames that tell me what I've done wrong so that I may please you, don't just tell me it sucked).  
  
Disclaimer: JK is the exquisite creator of these fascinating characters who have left me mesmerized and also have assisted me with a lot. I own Adam, though if JK personally wants him, she may take him and I would be honored (but for right now he is for my use).   
  
Thanks: Lilia, my best friend who has helped me through the experiences I have had (and for letting me read this to you so many times).  
  
Cheryl, my best friend for helping me understand the world a little bit better (and for letting me bore your ears with questions). I thank you both deeply and truthfully.   
  
The Origin of the Darkness   
By: Shining Moonlight Part III ~ Sick Pleasure   
  
I gathered the ends of a sheet and wrapped myself within them. I jumped up when I heard the door creak. At first two shoes, then legs, then a torso appeared before me, but I refused to look into the face of Ronald Weasley.   
  
"Holy shit, Hermione. This is not a laughing matter." He said misinterpreting my sobs for laughter.  
  
"What the heck did you do? Look, I need to know this." Ron went on. It was then that I could take it no longer, I snapped.   
  
"You want to know what happened. Well even if you don't you'll find out now. This is what you get for interfering, okay? You get the truth and when you get this truth with it comes hatred, so do you still want to know? Do you, Ron?" I yelled whatever the thought no matter how spontaneous it was. He nodded. I couldn't believe his nerve. So I told him.  
  
"You know, you really don't deserve to know, but I can really do this, I can. He did this to me, okay. He did it all and I hated every bit of it like I hate you right now." I pulled the sheet down so that he could see the gashes and slices around my upper body. I let him see my neck and the bite marks and bruises. I showed him my limbs and the savage slashes about them.   
  
"He stole my beauty, my virginity, my soul. And he turned it around for his own use. He did it to me at Easter, last week, and now again. He is a monster, and he's taken me as his damsel and eaten my heart. I didn't think I deserved this at first, but now I know I do. After what I did to you, my only chance, I ought to have had him come along and snatch me in my vulnerability, it wouldn't have happened if I had kept you. And I didn't pay attention to any of his signs, I let him in with open arms, Ron, I did it to myself." I cried and started to sob into his shoulder uncontrollably, near hysterics.  
  
"Hermione listen to yourself. You are a beautiful woman, how can you say that?" Ron said looking into my eyes with concern and pity entirely showing in his face.   
  
"No! I'm hideous and it's true! I'm sitting here wasting your time and, like everything else, it's my entire fault! Ron, please help, you've got to, he's going to find us, and then he'll hurt me. Please, Ron, I need you.  
" ~*~ And so it went until I at last reminded myself that I was attractive and I knew that it wasn't my blunder or mistake- it was Adam's. Then I got dressed and Ron and I got to work on a plan. ~*~*   
  
A few hours later Ron and I had formulated a foolproof arrangement for me so that I would never have to be around Adam, but he wouldn't get suspicious, either. I knew I had to play a huge roll in it and for two days I would have to surrender to the pain completely for the plan to work. I would have to carry a tape recorder in my pocket all the time and I'd have to be alert for when to turn it on, but always before I fell asleep. The first thing I would have to do was go down to the common room and Ron would tell Adam that I wanted to speak to him downstairs.   
  
"Hermione, I haven't seen you for a long time. Er, Ron said you needed a word with me? I'll be happy to talk to you about whatever you want, baby. Lets get some privacy and go talk in the closet.  
  
" Adam tapped me on the shoulder and said. I hesitated. I was scared to bits of him and that supply closet, but I did what I had to do.   
  
"Sure, Adam. I just needed to tell you something real quick." I gave him a huge smile, but he wasn't paying attention to my face, oh no he was too busy gawking at other spots. I wanted to slap him, but I giggled instead. "Oh, you like that now? I knew you'd get used to having me around. And I'm glad you did so soon." Adam said and I realized that I had just taken away from what I would say next. We reached the supply closet then and I gently took his hand off of my waist, or rather my behind, which is where it really was resting.  
  
"Hey, girl, you'll keep that there if you don't like bruises." Adam said harshly.   
  
"Excuse me, is that a threat, Adam? I thought you were a loving man, but now you're threatening me? Well, guess what, we're through. I never even wanted to have anything to do with you, and now I hope I never will again. You're disgusting and sick and twisted. And you better stay away from me." I shouted. Adam immediately turned towards me and slapped me across my face. My cheek stung and I put my hand to it and felt it already swelling. Adam just chuckled and continually stared at a place on my body between my head and waist. I sprang back into action, turned on my heel and ran for Ron, who was in his dorm just like he said.   
  
"Oh God, Ron. He hit me when I said it and- and- oh, Ron!" I threw myself at him and he embraced me with strong, protective arms. I sobbed into his shoulder and he just gently rocked back and forth to sooth me. "Hermione, it's okay now. I'm here and if that idiot comes in here I'll…" he paused in thought, obviously not wanting to upset me more.  
  
"Well it'll be ugly, that's for sure." I felt so safe and warm in his arms and I snuggled deep into his shoulder to smother my pain. I cried until I had no tears left and still I sniffled. I was embarrassed at being so immature in front of Ron, whom cared about me so much, but I said nothing and he seemed to understand. He gently nudged me after what seemed like hours and brought me to my dormitory and tenderly kissed my head. I did not quiver the slightest amount and I was grateful that he would always be there for me. I soon fell asleep, feelings of great comfort like I hadn't felt in months swimming in my head.   
******  
  
I knew at once when I awoke that something was different. It wasn't a new bedroom, which I silently thanked God for, but during that prayer of thanks I asked him to watch me and I knew it wouldn't be easy to open my eyes, I was petrified and I didn't know why. I could tell it was morning through my eyes I could see sunlight from a nearby window and I could hear bird chirping outside. I then mustered up all of my courage, tried not to be a cynic, and opened my eyes to a wonderful sight. It was a foggy moor and I was on a horse nearing a castle. Everything seemed white and I dared look beside me to find another riding a black stallion. His face was masked, but I knew it was Adam from his manner and the bitterness that seemed to be dripping from him. I looked at the ground and no sooner did I that he seized the reins from my clumsy hands and led my horse deep into a forest and everything changed from damp and misty to humid and dark. I could see nothing, but felt the horse beneath me and heard Adam mumbling to himself, though I could not distinguish his words. He brought us on through the brush until we reached a large tree and he harshly lifted me off of the horse and sat me on the ground against the tree. I knew what was to happen next for I had this dream many times after Adam had raped me. I was not surprised when Adam sat down next to me and I knew the feeling of his hands groping and the fright when I learned I could not stop him. I felt the familiar unpleasantness at his actions and so it went until my dream would end up like what had really happened. My head snapped and I looked up at a familiar face chuckling at my fear.   
"Adam Twiddles I swear if you weren't so stupid I wouldn't have to pound you! If you weren't so stupid I wouldn't be in this mess! If it weren't for you, I'd still be a virgin! If it weren't for you, I would be a lot happier!" I screamed at him. His laughter ceased and was replaced by a dangerous, crazy look. He stood and my wand dropped from his pocket.   
  
"Oh yeah? Well, it's time you grew up, then. You won't pound me, you're not strong enough. You got yourself in this mess, you wouldn't have been a virgin long even if I hadn't forced it on you because you were falling in love with me and you couldn't have held back very much longer if you'd tried. And you should be happy you have me, not anyone else because I'm what you deserve, so live with it, girl." Adam said all of this quickly as if he had known what he would say before I asked him the question. I grew suspicious at once and he saw right through me so I decided to speak at random.   
  
"Adam, how are you here now when it is surely an early hour and you would most likely be downstairs? How is it that you are not seen be anyone when you come into this dormitory, which is otherwise forbidden? Please answer my queries, Adam, for I do so long to know." I hesitated and then gazed upon his face which I had ignored and denied to look at for what seemed like eternity and tried to decipher exactly what made him think to do this. In his face I saw hurt and pain that seemed to match the ache I now felt in every new day. In his eyes I observed a longing and a wanting look that I possessed now for an ordinary life. In the curves of his lips I knew why they trembled when he spoke, they shook for the need to be accepted, for the crave to be respected. And I almost felt sorry for him as he brought his eyes, splotched with depression and anxiety, to mine and engaged me in a stare so long and with such depth that I almost wanted to throw myself towards him, but I forced myself to break away from his gaze.   
"Adam? Adam? Adam, what is it? Why do you look so distressed?" I called out for it felt like everything was distant and I knew not where I was. I felt myself fall to the floor and I lost my vision and all I could see was black and white scribbles like I was watching a channel from a badly tuned television. Then I became lifeless and unaware of the world surrounding me, I had lost consciousness.   
  
******   
  
I awoke in the hospital wing to sounds of Madam Pomfrey bustling around getting things ready and mumbling about visitors staying too long.   
  
"I'll only give you five more minutes with her, dears! Five minutes, and if you're not out by then I'll have the headmaster hear of this!" She said sharply in my direction. I opened my eyes and saw Ginny, Parvati, Harry, and Ron standing around me with confused expressions on their faces. Ginny & and Parvati looked as though they wanted to speak at once. Ron, on the other hand, looked as though he never wanted to speak again and immediately muted the others with a gesture of a finger to his lips. I couldn't read the expression on Harry's face. I didn't know what had happened or why I was in the hospital wing until Madam Pomfrey bustled in again with a clipboard and made the others get out.  
  
"Well, Miss Granger, why didn't you tell anyone that you were expecting? I never would have guessed and you should have been taking parenting classes by now." She said looking exceedingly surprised at me. My head spun and I knew I must have not heard her right. Or she must be mistaken, I was convinced that this couldn't be true.  
  
"Expecting? You mean pregnant? You are surely incorrect, Madam, for I am not pregnant." I said shaking now.   
  
"Miss Granger, are you a virgin? Have you had sex with anyone in the past five months?" she queried. I didn't know whether to tell her or say no. I decided to blend the two together.   
  
"Well, yes, but I'm sure I'm not pregnant." I replied sensitively.   
  
"I'm sorry, Hermione, but you are- or should I say- were." She said in a piteous tone.   
  
"What do you mean I was pregnant? Madam, explain yourself!"  
  
"Well, um well dear, maybe I'm not the one to tell you. I'll, er I'll get Professor McGonagall or Professor Dumbledore, which would you prefer?" I thought hard. How could they expect me to choose who I wanted to tell me that I was pregnant? I shook my head and my voice was shaking violently so that she could hardly distinguish the   
  
"P-p-professor McGonagall." I managed to get out. I said this because I thought that I could talk to her because she was a woman and I wasn't exactly eager to talk to a male about being pregnant. Madam Pomfrey nodded.  
  
"Well, before I get her I have to ask you a few questions, you know, for your physical. You need one monthly for a while. Okay let's see, we can do the tests later so let's start off with what is the last thing you remember before you fell unconscious?" she stated, her eyebrows raised in concern. How was I to tell her that I had seen Adam Twiddles controlling my mind, probably to get better at the Imperious curse so that he could have more sick pleasure than he already got. I decided to make something up, but in case Adam was found there I put him in.   
  
"Um, I remember Adam Twiddles coming and saying hello to me and then I got mad at him and yelled at him and while I was yelling at him I blacked out." I said and prayed that she believed it because it sounded very clichéd to me. "That's all? You're sure? Alright then, honey I'll go get Professor McGonagall, you stay here." She declared and walked out of the room, her white apron splotched with what must have been tears. I soon saw Professor McGonagall appear at the oak doorway with an expression of dread on her face and when she looked down at me, a small slender girl that was now bruised and tear soaked, her icy eyes melted in pity. She brought a chair to my bedside and sat down, clamping my clammy hand in hers. I saw her breathe, taking in shaky breaths and then gradually letting them out. I braced myself for when she would tell me what I dreaded to here, but it didn't come like I thought it would.  
  
"Darling, I know I don't want to say what I have to say and you don't want to hear it, so lets start this bloody conversation on the right note. How are you feeling? Did you eat?" she said her voice full of compassion and warmth.   
  
"I'm fine, I guess and no, I didn't eat but don't worry about it, I'm not hungry, Professor." I replied in a tone that I was sure would make it hard to believe what I had said. It was very melodramatic in itself and I thought that though it was true, it sounded imagined and untrue. But instead of not believing me, Professor McGonagall nodded and sighed, then said what she had to.   
  
"Well, Hermione, Madam Pomfrey may have told you that you were pregnant, and it's true. A child was growing inside of you, it was three months developed. But…not anymore. We think that, from the evidence on your stomach, someone must have attempted the Avada Kedavra curse on you and only ended your baby's life and not yours." At this I was in pure shock, but I could feel hot tears pouring down my face at the news. I knew at once that Adam had attempted this crime, but why? What had I ever given him but his sick pleasure? Had I ever done anything wrong to deserve this? Now I felt myself going into the zone of trauma where one may experience self doubt and question their own judgment. I knew also that this was pointless and had no effects but negative ones so I concentrated my best on not doing so. I was still sobbing a half an hour later and Professor McGonagall had taken to holding my hand in hers so that she could comfort me and act like a teacher at the same time. Then I asked her the question that had been bugging me for the time since I'd known.   
  
"Professor, how do you know that everything will be alright in your life, no matter how bad it seems, how do you know you'll be alright?" This was meant to be for the baby dying, but it accounted for the events with Adam, also. She thought for a moment, choosing her words carefully.  
  
"Well, I guess you just have to believe in yourself and know in your heart that it's okay. I know that it is hard to do so, but you must." She sat in thought for a moment and it looked like she was debating on saying more. Deeply, she sighed and asked me if I would like to hear how she, personally, had known that she was alright. In the hardest times of her life.  
  
"I was very young, only about sixteen or so when I fell in love with a man who was so fine and said that he loved me that I could not resist and when I graduated from Hogwarts we ran away together. I knew his name, it was Tim, and I didn't notice when we were together that when ever I answered the phone, the people always asked for "Tom". I did not fret on that and now I wonder how I could have believed that it was a mistake, when even his closest friends mistook his name. It wasn't very long until we started making love and I wonder know how I could have found it so pleasurable when it hurt more than it helped. I was eighteen when the baby was born and he was 25 at that time. Then, a month and a half later… he left with my beautiful son, Adam Joseph. I remember long nights years afterward crying in my bed, which was permanently empty. I couldn't forgive myself for falling in love with that man, nor creating Adam and letting the father ruin his life, no doubt. I still to this day do not know where Adam is, but I have pledged my life to finding Adam and making his life with me the best it can be." Then, she began to whimper and soon began to weep into my shoulder, so that I was the one comforting her. I felt awful about what had happened to Professor McGonagall and her son and even though I was grieving myself, I knew she held a greater cross to bear than I did.   
  
"Now dear, don't fret over my past." McGonagall said, reading my mind. I saw her eyes focus on a portrait across the room and I guessed that she was just trying not to show her emotions. The portrait was of a man with black hair, brown eyes that almost looked red in just the right light, and a pale, round face. His nose was covered by a cloak as was his mouth and chin. Even the portrait had an aura of mystery and secrets about it and I found myself trying not to stare at the painting's intricate detail.   
  
"Ms Granger? Dear me, she's seen him." Professor McGonagall sighed with a glance at the portrait she swiftly got up from her desk and walked over to it.   
  
"That was my husband's portrait. I keep it there only to remember my son's resemblance to it. Though Adam had gray eyes and the cutest nose you'll ever see. But dear, that isn't important, lets get back to you." She said, and looked directly at me. I got a hot flash thinking of what I should have told her right then and there. Should I or shouldn't I tell her? I wondered to myself. Things could only get better if I did, I thought. Finally, I made up my mind. I asked Professor McGonagall if I could see her in her office at two thirty the next day and she agreed when I said that it was urgent. Then I ran directly to the common room, up the mini staircase to the boy's dormitory and straight to Ron's four poster where I found him sitting and reading an issue of the Daily Prophet.   
  
"Hermione! You can't just run into a boy's dorm like that!" Harry hissed in a low voice that was full of shock and his face showed it, too. I knew it was a foolish thing to do, but what else could I have resorted to?   
  
"Ron, I need to talk to you alone. Now." I said giving him a look of importance. He nodded and told Harry to leave and Harry reluctantly followed the order.   
  
"What is it, Hermione?" Ron said to me, leading me over to his four poster and gently taking my hand in his. His queries were always so innocent. I wished I were innocent again.  
  
"Ron, I need to tell someone about Adam, I'm going crazy keeping it a secret. Oh, and did I mention that I just saw Professor McGonagall about what happened and why I was in the Hospital Wing for two days, unconscious?" I said, not meaning to make it sound so rude. But how was I to express my feelings, I was dreading telling him that Adam had gotten me pregnant and then killed my baby in any way other than extreme anger? His eyes urged me to go on and the hurt from my tone was wearing off and being replaced with anxiety. So I went on.   
  
"Well, first Professor McGonagall asked me if I had 'gone all the way' with anyone and if I might be pregnant and I got scared at what she'd say if I found out I had gotten a disease or something from Adam so I said yes I had, but I knew that I had taken precautions and that I wasn't pregnant." I said quickly and hoped Ron wouldn't look at my fists, which were balled up and sweating and would let him know how much I was upset about this. His ears went pink and he quietly asked me what McGonagall said next.   
  
"Then she said she was sorry, but I had indeed been pregnant," Ron's ears went bright red and he looked away in embarrassment.   
  
"Look Ron, if I'm going to come to you with this you might as well listen because this changed my life and the least you could do is act like you care about me!" I swelled with sudden anger and Ron squeezed my hand. "I am listening, Hermione, and I'm honored that you thought of me to tell.  
  
" Ron said, before leaning in to kiss me on the cheek, for encouragement, I supposed.   
  
"Now go on, what did she say?" Feelings flooded me, embarrassment, passion, awkwardness. But I pressed on to the most important part of the conversation.   
  
"She said that I had been pregnant, but that someone, and I saw Adam right before I got knocked out, had attempted the Killing Curse that Harry got the scar from on me and had ended the child's life instead of mine. Now I have a scar, too, just like Harry's only it resembles a rose petal. That means it was done out of love." Ron took me in his arms as I cried silently and I was aware of his masculine figure and his strong, protective arms and his chin nudging the top of my head. After a while I looked up into his eyes and saw that they looked oddly glassed over. Then I told him the other part of my reason for coming to see him. "Ron, I'm going to tell McGonagall. I got her to see me at two tomorrow. I want Adam put away- forever. He deserves Azkaban more than Wormtail."   
  
"Darn right he does. And if I had things my way he wouldn't even get to Azkaban. I'd kill him now, if I could. Hermione, I'll come with you to tell McGonagall, if you like. And I'll protect you from that bastard if it's the last thing I do." Ron said, clenching his teeth. I felt his arms harden around me and I pressed myself closer to his sturdy torso.   
  
"Ron, I love you." I said, tears in my eyes were now joyful and my voice shook with the seriousness of those words.  
  
"Hermione, I care for you so deeply that I'd sacrifice myself for your well being. I love you, too." He hugged me tighter still and we stayed that way for quite some time, how long I do not know. Soon he roused me from half slumber and guided me to my dorm where I laid down and for one night in three months, my dreams were peaceful.   
  
******   
  
End of Part III I thought I'd add a bit of an ending. This story deals with serious topics, such as rape, depression, and suicide. If you are dealing with these feelings or things happening in your life DO NOT SUFFER QUIETLY! Tell someone you trust like a parent, counselor, friend, relative orcall a crisis line. The Hope Line (656-HOPE) has many caring people who can help you and is completely confidential. 


	4. ~The Devil in Adam~

Well, this is a story that I worked very hard on and take much pride in when I'm not hiding it from my parents' prying eyes (just kidding, just kidding). I do like it very much when I'm not thinking of what really happens in this story, which is very similar to some of my experiences (at least subconsciously). So, please read this with caution and read it for it's true meaning, not just because you're bored. I want the reader to take time to think the story over and realize the effects of this idea, (you had time to read it, take a few minutes to think about it). Thank you all for appreciating my sensitivity (I only allow flames that tell me what I've done wrong so that I may please you, don't just tell me it sucked).  
  
Disclaimer: JK is the exquisite creator of these fascinating characters who have left me mesmerized and also have assisted me with a lot. I own Adam, though if JK personally wants him, she may take him and I would be honored (but for right now he is for my use).  
  
Thanks: Lilia, my best friend who has helped me through the experiences I have had (and for letting me read this to you so many times). Cheryl, my best friend for helping me understand the world a little bit better (and for letting me bore your ears with questions). I thank you both deeply and truthfully.  
  
  
  
  
The Origin of Darkness  
  
By: Shining Moonlight  
  
Part IV ~ The Devil in Adam  
  
The moment I woke up my thoughts immediately changed from good to very bad. As a mental picture of Adam swam into view, I desperately tried to turn my mind back to my dreams. But much to my dismay, keeping my mind on dreams of Ron and fluffy clouds was like trying to keep water in a sieve. Soon my nightmares replaced the good dreams and I gave in and let my subconscious go wild. It didn't take long for my images of Adam to switch to those of the portrait in McGonagall's office. The man's features were strangely similar to Adam's and it disturbed me to remember that Professor McGonagall's son's name had also been Adam. What if Adam Twiddles was McGonagall's son? But how would I tell Professor McGonagall that her long lost son had raped me? It couldn't be true. Adam had nothing in common with Professor McGonagall, except he did have the steely eyes she had mentioned. But who was Adam's father? Twiddles, I thought to myself, saying it over and over in my head, it didn't take long for 'Twiddles' to become 'Fiddles', 'Piddle', and 'Riddle'.  
  
  
"That's ridiculous, it's You-Know-Who's last name!" I said aloud. It was   
absolutely perfect when I thought about it, it couldn't help but make sense.   
Adam was in Gryffindor,(but I guessed that was from McGonagall) he got along   
with Slytherins like Malfoy like they were best friends, and his laugh chilled  
me to the bone just as You-Know-Who's had Harry.  
  
"Harry!" I thought,  
  
"Perfect! But he might not want to talk about You-Know-Who. He might not want  
to talk to me at all. I haven't exactly been paying Ron and him very equal   
amounts of attention." I sighed, crossed my fingers, and walked towards his dorm.  
  
"Harry!" I exclaimed when I reached the 6th year door.  
  
"Harry, open the door, I need to talk to you. Please, Harry!" I said this   
without opening the door because Harry had told me off for opening the door on  
my own accord.  
  
"We could have been changing!" He had hissed.  
  
I heard a muffled "Come in!" and I made my way straight to his four   
poster.  
  
"Say, Herm, I hear you and Ron didn't do much talking last night." Seamus  
Finnagin said with a mischievous grin on his face.  
  
"Yeah, I heard you two were too busy smooching to talk too much." Dean   
Thomas put in.  
  
"Oh, you guys. Lay off her." Ron said, the color rising in his cheeks.  
  
"So, err, what did you need?" Harry asked.  
  
"Well, I need to ask you something. But these guys are too immature to hear it.   
So, could you guys leave for a minute?" I d Harry and asked Seamus, Dean,   
and Neville. They whistled and shouted things like "Go, Harry!", "When's it my   
turn to get some?", and "Tell me all about it!" Harry grinned and winked   
at me, knowing I wanted to talk to him and that was all.  
  
"All right, guys. Let's head on out." Ron said to the others. "Just don't have too much fun, you two." he said to me and Harry, he winked playfully. As soon as they got out, I cut right to the chase, all the while trying to be sensitive to his feelings.  
  
"Harry, I'm sorry that I have to ask you to do this and I hope you aren't offended, but I need you to draw or explain what Voldemort looks like. I'm really sorry, but I need to know." I sat next to him and talked gently, softly. I didn't want to offend him in any way. Then, miraculously, Harry nodded and got out a pad of blank paper.  
  
"I'm no artist, and I don't know what you need this for, but I'll try. For you, Hermione." he said and began to sketch out a picture which turned out to be the most horrid depiction I've ever seen in my life. My heart began to sink as I pointed out details in Harry's picture that were similar to the portrait of McGonagall's husband. As soon as he finished, I thanked him and left with the piece of paper clutched in my left hand.  
  
I put the paper on my bedside table and studied it for nearly an hour until I was sure of my theory. Another piece of evidence I found was that Voldemort had told McGonagall that his name was Tim, but his friends (Death Eaters, I thought) had called him Tom. I thought of a plan and at the stroke of twelve, I knew that I had two hours to carry it out before I had to tell McGonagall about her son.  
  
******  
  
"Harry, Ron! Dean, Seamus! Adam! Open up!" I called through the door to Ron and Harry's dorm. The door opened and Seamus bid me to come in. He and Adam were playing wizard's chess and Adam looked up briefly and smiled in such a way that I got goose bumps everywhere. I looked over the room and casually started to make Ron's bed.  
  
"So, Hermione, what was it you needed?" Seamus asked, he sounded frustrated but I knew this was only because Adam had just murmured, "checkmate".  
  
"Well, I wanted to ask you guys what you're doing over summer break. I wanted to see if maybe you'd let me write you over the vacation." I said, trying to sound convincing.  
  
"Well, I'll spend the summer with my mum and dad, since me sister, Sunny, is going to America to see her friend, Evie. And I'd be glad to write you letters, Hermione." Seamus said, not looking up from the board. Then he gave his chess pieces a short pep talk and started a new game.  
  
"I'm going to spend the summer with my father. I haven't seen my mom since I was half a year old. About half way through the summer we're going on a trip with some of his friends, to Portugal. Maybe you'd like to stay with my father and I for a month or two." Adam said, drawing out the offer dramatically.  
  
"Sounds interesting, but I have to decline that offer, Adam. My parents are taking me to France again this summer and I wouldn't want to miss it." This was a lie, I'd probably stay home this summer. But I had to come up with an excuse to decline a summer with a dark lord and a rapist.  
  
I stayed a few minutes and got both of their addresses and gave them mine. Then I left to get to the next stage in my plan.  
  
******  
  
By the end of the two hours, I had found out that my theory about Voldemort/McGonagall equaling Adam was correct, but I still didn't know how to tell McGonagall. I supposed I'd just be blunt about the fact that Voldemort was her husband, I'd show her my evidence, then how Adam Twiddles was her son and was actually Adam Riddle. Then, I'd tell her that it was in no way her fault, my fault, or anyone's fault but Adam and perhaps Voldemort's fault, but that Adam had damaged my well being, self esteem, and life. And I would tell her how. As soon as I finished thinking over my ways of telling her the truth, I had reached the second floor wooden rocking chair. I sat in it and said "Tritanomandra". Immediately, I was swept into her office by two house elves. Professor McGonagall was sitting in a chair opposite the one the house elves pulled out for me to sit in. She looked so naive, so childlike. I knew that what I had to say would hurt her, but it was better than living in the dark of it all.  
  
"Professor, I have a few things to tell you that might hurt a lot, and I'm sorry that you had to find out like this and that you had to hear what I am about to say, but you're the only person that I really trust aside from Ron." She nodded and clutched the arm of her chair as if bracing herself for what she was about to hear. I gulped, since my throat had suddenly gone very dry and then I assumed the conversation.  
  
"Well, I think you'll be pleased to know that not only have I found your son, Adam, and that he is at Hogwarts right now. But I have also found out who your husband was and where he is right now. Your son is Adam Twiddles, which is actually a phony last name. His real name is Adam Riddle and your husband wasn't Tim like you thought, he was actually Tom Riddle, or Lord Voldemort. Adam has picked up some of Voldemort's evilness, because he, err, he assaulted me sexually. He raped me." I felt a great relief now that I had told someone and I suddenly felt that Professor McGonagall would make everything right again, but when I looked back at her she was sitting in shock and after a moment a single tear hung upon her pointed nose and I knew things were still sinking in. After a few minutes Professor McGonagall started making incoherent noises and soon they turned into sobs of anguish. I stayed silent but soon I realized that if I were McGonagall I'd be beating myself up, so I spoke comfort.  
  
"Professor, this isn't your fault, it isn't my fault, it isn't anyone's fault but Adam's and Voldemort's for saying it was okay, which I'm sure he did. You shouldn't blame yourself, it isn't your fault." She still looked unconvinced, but then shook herself and started acting like the professor I knew.  
  
"Dear, this is very important, are you certain that Adam raped you? I'm terribly sorry, but you'll have to tell me how, where, and when it happened. Then I'll have to inform Professor Dumbledore. We can try to get you help, I'll have a therapist from St. Mungo's come down and talk to you. We can get you into a youth group there and everything will be just fine. Most importantly, we'll try to get that boy into Azkaban for life. That we'll do." I noticed that her fists shook when she mentioned 'that boy' and I knew that she didn't quite believe that it was her son.  
  
"Right, the first thing we need to do is I have to ask you a few questions about this incident. First of all, when did it happen?" McGonagall had sure returned to her old self again, but every once in a while she'd sniffle or look away with an overpowering expression of pain on her face. I took a deep breath and replied to her query.  
  
"Well, the first time it happened was the week after Easter break. At around two o' clock, I'd say. When he finally let me go, dinner was half way over." I tried gallantly not to show how much it hurt to relive the memories, yet remembrances of images kept floating into my mind, still as crisp and exact as Muggle photos. This recalling burnt my soul as if the devil in Adam was taking me over when I remembered him. It took a half an hour for me to go through the details of the first time at Easter, the second time in the common room, and the third time in his dormitory. Professor McGonagall said that I was lucky to have been asleep for the most part of it. But as I thought about it, how could I have thought that I could sleep through forced-intercourse? Professor McGonagall realized this and told me that Adam had most likely modified my memory. She seemed to be especially interested in the second incident, and I knew that the motivation for her sorrow and guilt-filled eyes was the fact that she had been there. Finally, we both got up and Professor McGonagall told me that we would have to go to Dumbledore now, but I asked if it would be alright that I got some rest and she consented, saying it'd be better if I didn't have to relive it again for Professor Dumbledore, too. I went into my dorm and shut the silky, scarlet curtains. Telling someone that could help, really did take a lot out of you, I thought. I was admiring the warmth of the blankets from the open, sunny window when I drifted off.  
  
******  
I awoke to the sound of my curtain being pulled back, or maybe it was from lights shining through my eyelids. I hesitated long enough to give a callused finger the chance to touch a lock of my hair before sitting upright and pushing the figure away fiercely. Ron didn't touch me that harshly, I knew it was not him. Adam smiled at my rebellion.  
  
"You had better get out of here right now, Adam! McGonagall and Dumbledore know, and you should be running away before they find some real evidence here to put you away forever!" I said firmly, but in a hushed tone so as not to get anyone else's attention. I didn't want to get in trouble for having a boy in my dorm.  
  
"Oh, I get what you're saying. You want me to leave and it would be pretty smart of me to. Fine." And he walked to the door and turned the knob. But just as I turned, sure that he had left, the lights went out. Adam had his hand on the light switch and a malicious grin on his face. "I'll leave, but tonight will be especially blissful for me and painful for you. The last time is always the worst." I tried to scream but no sound came out and Adam made quickly for me, tearing off his clothes as he walked. I pressed up against the wall, struggling to get out of his grasp, but only making it easier for him. He peeled me away from the wall and undressed me torturously slow. Then he continued to rape me for what seemed like eternity. Whenever it seemed like he was finished, I'd sigh and he would proceed to laugh mockingly and start up again. Then, as suddenly as it had started, it was over. Adam pulled me back onto my bed and fell asleep with one final triumphant laugh. I was exhausted and as I checked the clock I saw that it was four in the morning, and I had woken up at midnight. I lay my head down and no sooner did it hit the pillow that I blacked out.  
  
******  
  
Again I was rudely awoken, but this time by a scream. I was conscious, but found that I didn't have enough strength to open my eyes. I heard a rushing to get something next to me out and a man leading whatever it was away. Then a lady with kindly and cold hands pulled a heavy goose feathered comforter over me and began to walk away, crying softly. My eyes finally opened and I moaned as remembrance of the night prior flooded into my head. The woman, Professor McGonagall turned and looked at me coming back to my bedside.  
  
"What happened, dear?" she asked, empathy showing in her voice.  
  
"He did it again, worse than ever. I'm glad you caught him, he was planning to run away today." I said, laying back onto the pillow and feeling the aches all over fully rejuvenate.  
  
"Don't worry about a thing, just come with me. Hurry." Professor McGonagall said benevolently. She lead me quickly to a room full of plastic bags, containers, kitchen supplies, Ziplocs, and strangely, Tupperware. She handed me a package of plastic garbage bags and told me to put one piece of my clothing into each bag and to try not to touch it very much. I did as Professor McGonagall told me. Then, she took me to a room of sterilized equipment at the back of Madam Pomfrey's quarters. She took a handful of cotton swabs and told me to go behind the curtain at the other side of the room and swab my mouth, female parts, and anywhere else I thought he might have left a trace of semen. It was difficult and extremely embarrassing to swab certain parts of my semen-contaminated body, but I did as I was told and had it done and over with in less than five minutes. Professor McGonagall put each cotton swab into a separate baggie and told me to put a hospital gown on, the bigger the better so it wouldn't rub against my skin and smudge his fingerprints- reliable evidence. I was then led to a gargoyle near the detention rooms. Professor McGonagall walked swiftly towards it and stopped about a foot away to say "Fizzing Wizzbees". The gargoyle sprung to the side and the stone wall behind it opened to reveal a door which led to Albus Dumbledore's office. He took one look at me, standing in the doorway in a hospital gown with I'm sure an expression of discomfort and shock on my face and pointed to a chair in the corner, which promptly moved towards his desk.  
  
"Alright, Hermione, I'm very sorry that it's happened again. Minerva, you took the clothing and semen tests for her?" Dumbledore said, sounding as though all the life in him was being let out through a small hole. Professor McGonagall nodded and he continued.  
  
"When we came in I immediately grabbed the boy and he is in the back room of my office. It was against my usual rules to do so, but I stunned him because he was- has- caused a great threat. He has told me his story and I'm afraid that unless we get some reliable evidence, the tests you've done will have been in vain. You see, his story is that you two were going together and you- well that you wanted to have intercourse as well as him." Professor Dumbledore sighed and looked at the floor hopelessly.  
  
I didn't know what to say. I was in such shock that I couldn't believe he might get away with it. It made sense, though, I hated to admit. If we had been sleeping together on both of our free will, then I would have semen and fingerprints on me. My clothes would have his fingerprints on them. And Ginny and Harry still thought that Adam and I had been a couple and would think we'd broken up and gotten back together. I was speechless because I knew there was no one that believed me but Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Ron. Yet Ron would be the only valid witness because teachers couldn't be witnesses and they hadn't seen it. But then, neither had Ron. No one could help me. No one. If they can't get him sent away, can't they keep him away from me at least? And won't they expel him for sleeping with me? I thought happily. No, if he won the court Hogwarts would have no reason to keep him away from me. And if they could, I gulped in spite of myself, everyone will know. The entire student body will be calling me "whore", "slut", and other terrible names and Slytherins, I didn't even want to think about Malfoy. I could almost hear him, "Look at the Mudblood who slept with Twiddles to at least get her kids some wizard blood." But they could expel Adam! My stomach flipped, but if they expel Adam for sleeping with me, they'll expel me for sleeping with Adam…  
  
  
******  
  
End Of Part IV  
  
I thought I'd add a bit of an ending. This story deals with serious topics, such as rape, depression, and suicide. If you are dealing with these feelings or things happening in your life DO NOT SUFFER QUIETLY! Tell someone you trust like a parent, counselor, friend, relative orcall a crisis line. The Hope Line (656-HOPE) has many caring people who can help you and is completely confidential. 


	5. ~It Can't Be True~

Well, this is a story that I worked very hard on and take much pride in when I'm not hiding it from my parents' prying eyes (just kidding, just kidding). I do like it very much when I'm not thinking of what really happens in this story, which is very similar to some of my experiences (at least subconsciously). So, please read this with caution and read it for it's true meaning, not just because you're bored. I want the reader to take time to think the story over and realize the effects of this idea, (you had time to read it, take a few minutes to think about it). Thank you all for appreciating my sensitivity (I only allow flames that tell me what I've done wrong so that I may please you, don't just tell me it sucked).  
  
Disclaimer: JK is the exquisite creator of these fascinating characters who have left me mesmerized and also have assisted me with a lot. I own Adam, though if JK personally wants him, she may take him and I would be honored (but for right now he is for my use).  
  
Thanks: Lilia, my best friend who has helped me through the experiences I have had (and for letting me read this to you so many times). Cheryl, my best friend for helping me understand the world a little bit better (and for letting me bore your ears with questions). I thank you both deeply and truthfully.  
  
  
  
  
  
The Origin of Darkness  
  
By: Shining Moonlight  
  
Part V~ It can't be true  
  
After I had told McGonagall and the Headmaster my worries, and they had reassured me that I would not be expelled I was told that Dumbledore would owl Cornelius Fudge with an "Urgent Owl- five minutes delivery or you keep it!" The wait for the owl seemed to take forever and we three sat in complete silence looking very odd, I'm sure as it was four thirty in the morning. I kept thinking of the gawking student body, the jeerers, the taunting, Malfoy especially. Encouraging Adam to dump me instead of going on "giving my kids valuable blood."  
  
Then I was snapped out of my daydreams by a tapping at the window which turned out to be a ministry owl whom Professor Dumbledore kindly and promptly let in. The letter was short and scrawled and at first I thought it was because he'd written it in a hurry, but I saw that the sides were wrinkled and I knew it had been read over many times. It read:  
  
Dumbledore,  
This is really a Muggle case, but I set up a court date for tomorrow if it's convenient. You know that you won't be able to testify, but try to set up some witnesses and I'll get the boy a lawyer. I think Judge Alfred Lisha would be a good guy for the case, since he has three daughters but has no record of being biased. Miss Granger has to speak to the boy, just give her ten minutes to ask him anything that might be worth evidence and record it. Then give the boy ten minutes to ask Miss Granger anything. I'll be there by Floo Powder at approximately 5:45.  
Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic  
  
"Alright, Hermione. It's five twenty, so why don't you go in there and get something out of Twiddles. Just don't be frightened because the door's open and Professor McGonagall will be right there. Do a record charm before you go in." Dumbledore said heavily.  
  
"Alright." I said, sounding mute and feeling just the same. I was in too much fear, panic, and shock to feel any sort of emotion. I walked towards the door behind Professor Dumbledore's desk and open the door with quivering fingers.  
  
  
Adam sat inside the room in a chair, which was the only thing in the space. He smiled when he saw me and tried to get up, but found that he was bound to his seat. I hesitantly sat opposite him on the floor and murmured "Immitordus", the spell to record things.  
  
"So Adam, how have you been?" I said, trying to sound friendly, but the lump in my throat wouldn't dislodge and I found that I could not look away from his eyes. They flickered mischievously. I didn't like the feel of the air in the room. It hung over me, suffocating me in my suffering.  
  
"Pretty screwed up. How would you like to wake up bound to a chair face to face with a person that has fooled two teachers into thinking I assaulted her. That's you and I feel no need to go on with this." He said then grinned and pointed to my wand. I knew he was thinking 'it can't record my sarcasm' and I loathed him for it. I didn't even bother glancing at my wand, my gaze was fixed upon his facial expressions which were now resembling triumph.  
  
A second later I realized that I should have looked at my wand when I thought about it, because I saw it float up in front of my face and into Adam's hand which made him grin even wider.  
  
"Now, Hermione, my girlfriend whom I've been going out with for the last year and a half-" he put great emphasis onto each of these words. "Why do you say that I've sexually harassed you?" he waited for my answer as he tucked my wand safely in his pocket. It was worse than torture to answer the question he knew perfectly well the answer to.  
  
"Adam, I've told Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore that you raped me, not just assaulted me, because you did. Four times. And Adam, it isn't good to hold huge lies inside yourself. Just let the truth out, it'll be a lot easier on me."  
  
"Alright. Just let me turn this off okay?" Adam said, taking out my wand again and snapping it in half. I screamed. Some people don't understand this, but my wand is like a friend to me. A good friend. I got up, looked at Adam quickly and muttered,   
  
"Asshole." As I walked out of the room I heard Adam say,   
  
"I did it. You know it and I know it and now you will pay!"  
  
******  
  
I awoke knowing that today was a very important day. When Ron rushed in yelling,  
  
"Hermione! You have to be in the courtroom in two hours!" I knew why. It was set for eleven o' clock that morning and it seemed that in no time I was in the courtroom, waiting to be questioned. There must have been some law made right after the previous Easter because it seemed that whatever had happened, had happened in the worst case scenario. I was seated next to Adam, only a space of about two feet separated me from the man who had so far basically ruined my life. First they called me up to the witness stand.   
  
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" A man said placing my hands on my birth certificate which my wand would have replaced, but due to circumstances it was currently in two pieces. I replied a yes and the man whom I recognized as Lucius Malfoy and none other, stepped up and got into my face with rather embarrassing questions.   
  
"So, girl, you have proceeded to tell the court that this boy, Adam Twiddles, has raped you?" he spat looking very pleased at my disgusted facial description. I nodded,   
  
"It is the truth."   
  
"Well, would you like to tell the court why he would have done such a preposterous thing?"   
  
"His reason was that, and I quote 'You were just so beautiful I couldn't resist.'" I said recalling his flattering comments which brought on a putrid stench and made me feel as though I was about to vomit. Malfoy snorted with unconcealed laughter.   
  
"You ? Beautiful? I'm sorry your honor but my client defies that statement." Adam rose and walked to the stand, where he stood.   
  
"Look, Hermi, I told you I was in love with you and I think you returned the gesture." Adam said before being screeched at by the vulture-like judge to sit down.  
  
"Your honor, my client has evidence in form of a tape. Recorded, he says, for purposes of remembering the first day they fell in love." Lucius said. My heart stopped. He wasn't going to play the tapes, was he? Indeed he was. A security guard took the tape to Judge Lisha and he handed it to someone behind his desk. The someone turned out to be a dementor and the air felt cold. The dementor put the tape in a player, all the while torturing me with 'No, Adam STOP! No, it hurts PLEASE!'. When the creature returned behind the desk the room resumed its warmth and I stopped shaking and wiped the tears from my eyes with my sleeves. Soon the sounds returned and I heard myself and Adam talking, sounding, to my horror, very much in love.   
  
"Well, I saw you, beautiful, and I just couldn't resist saying hello. Well, gorgeous, I didn't think you were ever going to stop shaking. Why thank you, I guess. Oh, gorgeous Hermione, tell me truthfully, what do you think of me? I think you're a wonderful, attractive man who loves me. Well, I think you're a beautiful, attractive women who is in love with me. That is so true. And I think you will love this even more. January 5th, 2004"  
  
Adam looked satisfied and Lucius beamed smugly. The jury, which consisted of five people Harry had told me were Death-Eaters and two people who looked as though they were in my favor began scribbling notes. The judge hit his mallet on the table.  
  
"Court adjourned for decision of the jury. There will be another court date on Thursday."  
  
Professor Dumbledore hurried me out and gestured to the center of the parking structure.   
  
"We'll Apparate. Here, hold my sleeve and Professor McGonagall's and say 'Apparitorus' on the count of three. Oh, and think about my office. One. Two. Three." I concentrated on Fawkes, the Sorting Hat, and the desk in Dumbledore's office and muttered the spell and we were there. Madam Pomfrey was sitting at the desk waiting for us with a grave expression on her face. She walked over to Professor Dumbledore and whispered something in his ear. Then he did the same thing to McGonagall. She nodded and wiped a trickle of a tear from her eye.  
  
"Hermione, I'm going to be as formal as possible so that you can take this better. You tested negative for Herpes II and other similar STD's, and you aren't pregnant. Unfortunately, one virus has been transferred from the boy's system to yours. This virus is called the Human Immune-deficiency Virus, or HIV. I'm sorry."  
  
No. No. No. NO. I do not have HIV. I didn't test positive. I am not going to die from a Muggle disease. I do not have five or ten or however many years to live. I don't. This is a dream. It's not real.  
  
These thoughts raced through my brain for three hours while Madam Pomfrey told me all she could about HIV and AIDS. It seems like it really is true, though, because I'm seeing a specialist after the trial Thursday, which is the day after tomorrow. Now Adam's supposed to come in and get tested with a new instant test that's less exact, but quicker, which is all we need. I asked Madam Pomfrey if I could go upstairs and talk to Ron, who wasn't allowed to come to the court because he isn't supposed to know, none of the students are. Professor Dumbledore has to tell the school tomorrow, though and I'm dreading it. Madam Pomfrey consented to my request and I raced up three sets of stairs and through the common room door and straight into his dorm forgetting Harry's requesting me not to. Ron and Harry jumped up when I stepped in and Ron walked over to me, standing protectively between me and the only other occupant of the room, Adam. Adam chuckled and said mildly,   
  
"They want me do they? Alright. Have a good time up here Hermi, don't get too intimate with them. Oh, and Weasley, nice efforts to save your girlfriend, but it's too late. I'll strike again soon." Then he left with a wink that sent nauseous waves of revulsion throughout my body. Ron's arm circled my shoulders and I sat down on his bed and took his hand. I felt my lower lip begin to tremble and bit it to keep from crying out in my misery. I could tell that Harry knew and I was grateful that Ron had told him and I didn't have to again.  
  
"The court was wretched. Lucius Malfoy is his lawyer and he's a darn good one, too. They played the tape Adam had and the jury consisted of five Death-Eaters Harry, you, told us about and two nice looking people. After that I got my tests back and… and…Harry, Ron, I have H.I.V!" I sobbed into Ron's shirt for many moments until I looked up at his face and saw tears on his cheeks and I comforted him until we stopped suddenly and realized how silly it seemed.  
  
"I still have five or ten years, it's okay." I said. Ron and I were very out of it from such an incidental day and he nodded and patted the bed pillow, onto which I promptly fell asleep with Harry gazing at me, concern in his eyes.   
  
******  
I awoke in my bed and suddenly felt a weight on my chest and realized everything was hopeless. I t was morning and as I walked into the Great Hall I could tell that Professor Dumbledore had already announced that Adam was temporarily suspended on charges of raping me.  
  
  
"Hey Mudblood, why are you going around spreading sleazy lies around when everyone knows you're the whore?" Malfoy shouted across the hall while walking swiftly towards me. He got beside me and stood looking me over. He then got up and spit on the floor nearly missing my shoes. "Filthy blood, that's what you have." He said and turned his back. Harry lunged and toppled Malfoy to the ground. The two rolled over each other pounding the other's face with their fists each bleeding profusely. Goyle started towards the two and Ron hurled a punch at him that sent a SMACK! Through the entire room and Goyle fell to the floor with a great lump on his forehead. Crabbe looked down at Goyle and into Ron's eyes and turned on his heel. He was out of the Great Hall in five seconds flat.  
  
"You guys really shouldn't have done that. I could've handled Malfoy. I did once, remember in fourth year?" I said helping Harry off the ground. He was bleeding from a gash in his shoulder and the knuckles on his right hand looked unaligned.   
  
"Quick, we better get him to Madam Pomfrey." Ron said looking at his best friend, who was currently clenching his teeth together in pain. Both of us could tell Harry was about to lose consciousness and we hurriedly helped him up and stabilized him with our arms…   
  
Harry awoke some hours later lying on a hospital bed with Ron's and my face leaning close to his. "I win!" Ron shouted, sticking his tongue out in a childish manner.   
  
"Yeah, sure." I said, giving in and laughing. Harry looked confused so I explained,   
  
"See, we were guessing when you'd wake up and I said it would be at least a day, but Ron said that he knew you'd wake up before midnight."   
  
"Oooh, I see. You guys are nerds." Harry said and started to laugh but quickly stopped and grabbed his wrist.   
  
"Yeah, you know you want me." I mocked.   
  
"I do." Ron replied quietly. Harry whistled and slapped him on the back with his good hand. Ron blushed and quickly changed the subject to the Quidditch discussion Professor Flitwick had with him Tuesday, but the tint of pink in his ears was no match for the brick red color my cheeks got as I looked away. Harry glanced at his watch.   
  
"Hey, Hermione, what time do you have that meeting with the specialist guy tomorrow?"  
  
"Eight fifteen. Why, what time is it?" I said automatically the weight sunk onto my chest.   
  
"You better get some rest, it's eleven twenty right now!" He said and I nodded and quickly thanked him and wished him to feel better. As I walked to the common room I felt the presence of someone else. I turned sharply, but no one was there. I decided it was Peeves or a suit of armor playing a prank and I ignored the sound of distinct footsteps moving behind me until I reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. She was gone and I turned and was about to find another Prefect or look for her when my breath was cut short. I could see feet on the ground in gray tennis shoes and the beginnings of black Hogwarts robes, but the rest of the figure remained unseen.   
  
"Come on, I can see your feet and I know you're there. Just take the cloak off and help me find the Fat Lady." I said, feeling very foolish talking to a pair of shoes. A male's voice, deep and loud cursed and removed the Invisibility Cloak. I turned but found the wall and empty painting, so I turned back to face the man and tried to edge around him, all the while whimpering softly when he pinned me to the wall as he had done once before when I had tried to tell Ron about him.   
  
"Shhh don't move. Just stand still I need to talk to you. I want forgiveness." He said slowly, staring deep into my eyes, penetrating my brain. I blinked and wriggled out of his grasp.   
  
"How dare you even speak to me. How dare you ever ask that of me, as if you hadn't taken enough, you came to see if I was okay with it? I'm damn well not okay with it so leave me be!" I yelled, my fists balling up in unimaginable anger. He refused to move, so I took care of him by kicking his shins as hard as I could. He dropped to his knees and groaned in pain. I didn't see him get up, so I ran as quickly as I could back to the hospital wing. I didn't want to upset Ron, Harry, or Madam Pomfrey who had her fair share of worries right now, so I told her that the Fat Lady had gone off somewhere and I couldn't get into my common room. She snatched her wand and yelled,   
  
"Acio, Eleanor Fatisimo!" The Fat Lady zoomed into the room looking shocked, but quite tipsy.   
  
"Ms. Eleanor, how many times do I have to speak to you about not going off when children are still out! You may indeed be removed if you do not stop running about like a Hippogriff with it's head cut off!" Madam Pomfrey spoke severely and the Fat Lady sulked back to the portrait as I followed on her heels. We reached the common room and I began to murmur the password when she replied,  
  
"Don't bother I know ya know it, so just go on in." She swung the portrait hole opened and I went straight to bed, not even stopping to worry about what tomorrow may hold.  
  
******  
  
I walked into St. Mungo's cautiously, not wanting to disturb anyone, but trying to keep myself sane. I kept my eye on the back of Dumbledore's cloak, but I could not dissolve the sounds of screaming, highly disturbed people when we walked past the Mental Illness section. I thought of Harry and Ron when we passed the Support Office. Then, finally we got to the hallway labeled "Immune System Specialists" and Professor Dumbledore knocked three times on the second door to the right. A bespectacled man with a resemblance to Mr. Olivander nodded and gestured for the two of us to enter.  
  
"I've been expecting you for a long time, Albus." But we had only known for a few short days, how could he have expected me? I shot a confused glance at Dumbledore, who sighed deeply and sat in a chair, bidding me to take the seat next to him. As soon as I had lowered myself into the comfortable leather seat the doctor told me not to.   
  
"No you, my dear, will take a seat on the examining table. I have some painful tests to run on you." His eyes glinted and he walked to the back of the room and got three items. He then laid them on the examining table near my right knee. I flinched when I saw them, one was a shot of pale yellow fluid, another was an empty needle, and the last was a large package full of instant tests. I'm terribly afraid of needles and the shots on top of all my nervousness was too much. The empty needle fell to the floor. The doctor immediately turned and sterilized it with a tap from his wand.   
  
"Nervous, are we? Well, this won't take but a minute!" He said chuckling to himself though I found nothing funny about the matter at all. He gently reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling it towards him. I retracted when I saw his other hand grasp the empty needle.   
  
"There, there." He muttered under his breath while tightening his hold around my right forearm. I closed my eyes as I felt the needle puncture my arm, slightly below my elbow. I chanced a look at it and immediately felt queasy. Dark purple-red blood was flowing into a jar from a series of tubes connected to the needle in my arm. When the jar was ¾ of the way full, he removed the tube, but left the needle in my arm.   
  
"Ah, ah!" I whimpered, looking at my blood seeping gently through the towel the doctor had placed over the area.   
  
"Alright my dear, I can tell that this will not be a great experience for you. When I finish the tests, we will see exactly how nasty you'll feel each day." He then removed the needle and with a small ' Pop!' there was no cut, only a small bruise.   
  
"Before I put the other injection in, I will give you a lesson on how to treat your blood, not that it is swimming with the toxic virus HIV." He then placed the towel into a plastic bag, then another, then a special bag made of heavier blue plastic. Then, he muttered an inconceivable spell and the bag was gone.   
  
"Now, this is a drug called AZT which is used by Muggles. Unfortunately, these diseases and cures are still a great mystery and all we know is what the Muggles know." I grimaced as he punctured yet another spot in my unblemished skin. I felt the liquid enter my veins and I had a sudden picture of pink blobs with white flags fighting a mass of black, and losing. The doctor wiped my arm with an alcohol pad that stung slightly and then opened the packages.   
  
"These right here, I invented these." He boasted proudly, picking up three of them.   
  
"Yes, none of that Muggle waiting two days for your blood sugar count, and up to a year for the HIV testing! No, we'll get these done is less than half the hour." He picked up on test and asked me to put my finger on the white tag. I did so and yelped in surprise as it sliced a miniscule cut in my flesh. I watched as the doctor squeezed a drop of blood out onto it.   
  
"There we go. As you see, I like color so if it turns blue in a few seconds I'll tell you you've got a good 20 years ahead of you. But if its green then you've only got around 10…" We waited in silence. Professor Dumbledore stood and patted my back, which startled me since I'd forgotten about him. Dr. Marcus whistled a low note as the test turned a sickly yellow color and then on to brown.   
  
I hung my head and heard Dumbledore ask dully, "What does it mean?" The doctor looked as if he didn't want to answer, but took a deep breath and told us precisely what I didn't want to hear.  
  
"Well, I've seen the yellow a few times and that means you've got a sad five years to go, but I've never treated a brown patient. Black means your time has come, but I'm guessing she's got a good year, judging by the shad that brown is. And it ain't going to be a pretty year either." I got off the table and sat by Dumbledore. I didn't care what anyone thought. It was my right to sit there. Dr. Marcus didn't make any move to stop me.  
  
"Why? Why can't I live?" I asked him, the depths of my soul pouring out in those 4 words. A year I had. 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days. And the doctor wasn't even sure that it was going to be that long. I knew I couldn't make it now, I had nothing to look forward to. I might not even graduate from Hogwarts. I wouldn't have a career, a family, a love. No, I have a love, I thought to myself, I've got Ron, and I love him. But he didn't know how I felt. No one did. Dr. Marcus was talking again. I shook myself and my thoughts were washed away as I concentrated on his lecture. Soon, all I could hear was him telling me why I would pass on before my seventeenth birthday. My immune system and white blood cell count was low, too low for me to have lived very long even if I hadn't been infected, hadn't been raped. I needed to start on many medicines right away. I would be at the hospital every weed on Thursday for the entire afternoon. Until something went wrong, in which case I'd get a room there. I didn't mention my beliefs that it wouldn't be long until I'd be getting a room, but held my tongue as I was introduced to a woman in her thirties wearing a pink dress and bright red lipstick. She looked like a regular Barbie Doll.  
  
"Hello, you must be Hermione. I'm Ms. Paluchin, I work with children like you. I'll try to help you focus on the positive side of your life," She said, a fake smile plastered across her round face. Or what's left of my life, you mean, I thought. She kept jabbering away, oblivious to the fact that I didn't give a care about what she was telling me.  
  
"Also, another priority I'm going to work on with you is I'll try to help you deal with the fact that many of the children with your type of situation pass on, and how to find positive in that." How did she expect me to find positive in dying? She shook Professor Dumbledore's hand and waved good-bye to me, quickly telling him that I'd see her after each of my weekly treatments.   
  
After my meeting with Ms. Paluchin, I went back to Hogwarts and began to carefully scrutinize myself. Physically I was a mess, the bruises from my last encounter with Adam were still clearly visible, reminding me, haunting me with my horrendous past. After I stepped away from the full sized mirror, I could not help but continue to brood over the unbearable life I had lived in the last year. It was so very intense pain and humiliation that I crumpled to the floor in sobs of anguish, and strangled cries erupted from my throat. When I got up I tried to cheer myself up. The only way I could think of doing this was to talk to Ron before it was over. I walked cautiously out of the dorm, making sure that no one in the common room noticed me. I didn't need the ridicule. I knocked gently and was led in by Ron, thankfully the only person in the room.  
  
"What's wrong, Hermione, you seem all hot and bothered." He said, looking concerned. He led me to his bed and I sat down on it, very close to him.   
  
"Well, if you had a terminal disease you wouldn't be feeling very cheerful either, I can tell you that much." I said, getting defensive of my very short life. It isn't fun to talk about dying was what I thought, and I think I got my point across to Ron.  
  
"Now, you can't think like that already. McGonagall and Dumbledore said you have at least five years and I'm going to make then the best years of your life." He said, trying desperately to cheer me, but it was to no avail. I squeezed his hand and pressed myself against his chest. My head found the groove between his shoulder and his neck, and I rested comfortably.   
  
"No, no…Dumbledore and I saw Dr. Marcus today, remember?" I asked. He nodded, and tightened his embraced making me feel warm and protected.  
  
"Well, I found out that I've got a naturally low immune system and he's guessing that I've only got around a year to live." I looked at his shirt, the rise and fall of his chest.   
  
I had begun to cry when he cupped his warm, caring hands around my face and said quietly, "It'll be alright, you and me, we'll be alright." He glared at me with fierce adoration, begging me to agree with him. I saw tears unwilling to fall from his brown eyes, and sorrow clinging to his heart refusing to leave him happy. His hands didn't move from my face, though they trembled slightly and he kissed me, softly in all the mourning he felt as well as I did. I could only sit into it and gradually let him reduce my pain, yet the aching was permanently branded in my heart.  
  
"Good night, Hermione. Be strong." He said, breaking the kiss and wiping tears from my cheeks.  
  
"I will, Ron. Good-bye." I said, standing up and disconnecting my hand from his even though every particle in my body willed me to stay with him. I shuffled out, noticing that my mood had only gone downhill with my departure and feeling that it would only continue to decline.   
  
I let my mind wander and I moaned unnecessarily the entire walk until I realized just where my body had unconsciously taken me. The door to a room become visible before me and my hand turned the knob without being told to by my brain. I felt a terrible shiver run through my body and fell to my knees. The supply closet where it had all began appeared around me and sent memories, crisp remembrances through me. This unconscious walk gave me the feeling that the new, shiny knife I saw in front of me was an omen that I would have to follow. I nodded to my thoughts, walked over and picked up the tool. I traced the knife across my wrists, thinking of the advantages of life and the advantages of death.   
No more worrying, pain, or fear, a voice whispered in my ear. True, but you wouldn't have love. Another contradicted. I was angry that my soul and body wouldn't let me end it. I traced the knife deeper, putting more pressure on, until I pierced the skin. It was only a miniscule slash, not even causing a drop of blood to spill out, but I relished in the pain, no matter how small and little it hurt. I expected to cry, but no tears fell. I took a breath and punctured the other wrist, a slightly large cut formed. The slices came easier and I ruptured the skin of my arms spontaneously. A mad cackle emerged from within me. Some piece of me enjoyed it. I enjoyed hurting the insignificant body I was caged in.  
  
"Hey! What are you doing Herm?!" An urgent voice came from behind. The door closed almost silently behind Adam.   
  
"Damn you, Adam. Get out of here, I'm trying to finish something." He looked confused.  
  
"What, your life? Did you even stop to think about how many people you'll hurt? Come now, I'll tell you for one, I care. And if I care, just think of how much you'll hurt Weasley. I won't let you do it. I'm not leaving until you change your mind." He said firmly, grabbing the knife roughly from my hands and sliding it across the floor. He then went over and set a large box on it. I didn't want to see my chance of escape go and I writhed as I heard it crack.  
  
"Damn. If I can't do it, you kill me. Just get it over with quick. All I want is to die." I whispered speaking the truth. I held my arms out to the sides in an act of complete vulnerability and closed my eyes, expecting the end. When I opened them I saw Adam looking at me seriously.  
  
  
"I could never hurt someone I love." He said, looking straight into my eyes as he had so many times before when he was about to cause immense pain to me.  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa…You cannot just come in here and tell me you love me. It's SICK! How could you hurt me as much as you have, and sentence me to death if you loved me?"  
  
"Sit down." He ordered, lowering himself to a seated position. He looked so serious that I didn't hesitate and immediately sat, making sure to keep a good distance from him all the while. He began to speak, his gray eyes on the ground, he looked ashamed. Good, I thought, he should feel bad about what he's done.   
  
"You see, Hermione, I've had my eye on you ever since first year. When you crashed into me on the train. I knew you would just end up with Potter or Weasley, so I kept a distance. It was hard. You always seemed to ignore me on purpose, but I guess that's just because I wanted your full attention all the time, just like you had mine. At the beginning of this year I found out I'd gotten AIDS. Probably from that seventh year I went steady with. I didn't love her, but I did like the pleasure she gave me, so I didn't worry about protection when we got intimate. I guess that really pushed me over the edge. My true love gone with another guy, and now I didn't even know how long I'd be alive to admire you from afar. Soon I became obsessed.   
  
I needed to be loved in return from you, so when I saw you here I took it. Now I realize how stupid that was, because it only caused you to hate me more, but I was overcame by the feeling I got by making you give me your love that I only concentrated on getting more. I am most ashamed of the fact that I'm not insane or under a curse, I did it on my own free will. I know nothing could make you forgive me, and you shouldn't forgive me no matter how much I seem to have changed. I'm sorry, Hermione. I truly do love you." His eyes rose to meet mine. It wasn't sinking in, it didn't make sense, yet the look in his eyes was so genuine and true. The air held still and we were silent.   
  
I looked down at my hand, my eyes traveled to my wrist . Then, I took a fleeting look at the ground underneath my wrists and went pale. Maybe it was from the shock of seeing a pool of blood, or perhaps it was from the sudden tremor of pain that ripped through my body. My breathing came, sharp in my chest and steadily the blood spilled onto the ground, each drop taking another moment from my life. You should be happy, this is what you wanted. Something inside me said.  
  
"No, I- I want to live." I whimpered, hopelessly drifting away. The blackness was coming, slowly blotching away my sight. I vaguely felt Adam squeeze my hand, saw a look of concern flash across his face, heard his panic as he called out my name. I was almost gone, the darkness was almost completely smothering me, when I heard a heavenly voice.  
  
'Do not be afraid. Come.' It whispered. I nodded and my soul rose. I saw my body on the floor, lifeless, but content. I saw Adam, my deceased hand still clutched in his, tears running unchecked down his cheeks.  
  
'I'm fine. It all worked out okay.' I whispered, and finally, all was forgiven, all was right.  
  
  
~ End~  
  
Once Again...  
  
I thought I'd add a bit of an ending. This story deals with serious topics, such as rape, depression, and suicide. If you are dealing with these feelings or things happening in your life DO NOT SUFFER QUIETLY! Tell someone you trust like a parent, counselor, friend, relative orcall a crisis line. The Hope Line (656-HOPE) has many caring people who can help you and is completely confidential. 


	6. Epilouge

Well, this is a story that I worked very hard on and take much pride in when I'm not hiding it from my parents' prying eyes (just kidding, just kidding). I do like it very much when I'm not thinking of what really happens in this story, which is very similar to some of my experiences (at least subconsciously). So, please read this with caution and read it for it's true meaning, not just because you're bored. I want the reader to take time to think the story over and realize the effects of this idea, (you had time to read it, take a few minutes to think about it). Thank you all for appreciating my sensitivity (I only allow flames that tell me what I've done wrong so that I may please you, don't just tell me it sucked).   
  
Disclaimer: JK is the exquisite creator of these fascinating characters who have left me mesmerized and also have assisted me with a lot. I own Adam, though if JK personally wants him, she may take him and I would be honored (but for right now he is for my use). Thanks: Lilia, my best friend who has helped me through the experiences I have had (and for letting me read this to you so many times). Cheryl, my best friend for helping me understand the world a little bit better (and for letting me bore your ears with questions). I thank you both deeply and truthfully.   
  
Epilogue~   
  
Ron and Harry woke swiftly, both clutching their cheeks.   
  
"Harry!" Ron said. "Did you feel it? On your cheek?" He said, dazed.   
  
Harry nodded and added, "Yeah, it was like an angel kissed me. What about the dream, did you have the dream?" He asked. When Ron agreed that he had, Harry understood.   
  
In his dream an angelic figure had stood before him. She looked very familiar, like he had known her all his life. She approached him, touched his hand, and gently kissed his cheek. 'It's all okay, Harry. My pain is finally gone.' She had whispered in his ear.   
  
"Harry, who was the angel? I know her, Harry." Ron said, now feeling uneasy and quickly wiping his eyes on his sleeve.   
  
"I don't know, wait! It was-" Harry started, "Hermione!" They both said together, in hushed whispers. Ron quickly got up and put on his clothes. Harry stopped him.   
  
"No, Ron. She's gone, we both know it, just stay here. All you can do is pray." His best friend said, shaking him gently, imagining the pain he must feel. They both looked up towards the sky, the silently prayed for their friend, and knew that the trio was still united. That the missing member, a brave sixteen year old girl, had gone too early, but had gone happy, and was now in a better place.   
  
End of Epilogue For the Last Time I thought I'd add a bit of an ending. This story deals with serious topics, such as rape, depression, and suicide. If you are dealing with these feelings or things happening in your life DO NOT SUFFER QUIETLY! Tell someone you trust like a parent, counselor, friend, relative orcall a crisis line. The Hope Line (656-HOPE) has many caring people who can help you and is completely confidential. 


End file.
